Oct 23, 2020
This is The Babylon Bee Weekly
News Show for the week of 10/23/2020.
In this episode of The Babylon
Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s top stories like
President Trump tweeting out a Babylon Bee story, Jordan Peterson
returning with the 12 Rules For Life on stone tablets, and how
Facebook is murdering comedy. The Babylon Bee also has some updated
and more realistic travel posters to America’s big cities. Tune in
for more weird news, cool stories, a trip to the mailbag and, of
course, glorious hate mail.
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This episode is brought to
you by Small Group The
Movie.
Introduction
Kyle and Ethan joke about our
recent spat with Mark Zuckerberg and dive into the weekly
news.
Stuff That’s Good
Kyle likes the 2018 video
game Celeste.
Ethan likes
I
survived...
Weird News
Space Station air leak repaired
with help from floating tea leaves
- There
was a slow air leak in a transfer chamber on the space station that
suddenly got worse
- Astronauts broke open a tea bag to watch the
leaves float toward where the leak was so they could use tape to
seal it.
'Breathable Bacon' face mask gives wearers the aroma of
bacon
- A U.S. company is offering fans of
breakfast meats the chance to enjoy the scent of sizzling pork
anytime they want with a bacon-scented face mask.
- Hormel said the Black Label Breathable Bacon
mask uses the "the latest in bacon-smell technology" to give the
wearer the experience of smelling bacon anytime they don
the protection
accessory.
- Do
they make a soy version?
Naked teen taken into custody after
damaging business, covering himself in ranch dressing and crashing
car.
- Sheriffs responded to a call at
3:30am and found a
naked 17 year old man who was under the influence of a
substance
- The
man had covered himself in ranch dressing and damaged property
inside the business
- He
ran outside and drove off. Didn’t get far and crashed into a
pillar.
- He
must do penance by covering himself in CFA sauce
Tennessee teenager's homemade fusion reactor lands Guinness
record
- the
world's youngest person to achieve nuclear fusion after officials
verified that he built his own nuclear fusion reactor at his
family's home and successfully used it in his final hours of being
12 years old.
- Tony
Stark?
Blindfolded man smashes 50 coconuts around another man's
body
- An Indian martial artist showed off his
strength and precision when he donned a blindfold and smashed 50
coconuts that were arranged around the body of another
man.
- They
were given a Guinness World Record
- The
men, Rakesh B and Prabhakar Reddy P, were awarded the Guinness
record for most coconuts smashed around a person blindfolded in 1
minute.
- Kyle
would like to protest these absolutely ridiculous
records
- What’s next? Most toothpicks covered in Crisco
fit into a microwave?
Story 1
Check Out These Eight Beautiful
Travel Posters For America's Democrat-Controlled
Cities
Summary: U.S.—With people leaving Democrat cities in
droves, mayors and city councils are hoping to fill them back up
again -- with tourists!
Maybe it's time to give these
cities a second chance. Check out these beautiful tourism posters
from Democrat-controlled cities around the
country!
- Read
the posters and the punchline, keep it tight, video version will
display the posters
Story 2
Trump Shares Babylon Bee Article,
Thousands Accept Jesus Into Their Hearts
Summary: WASHINGTON, D.C.—Thousands around the world are
forsaking their sins and receiving Christ this week after
Trump
shared an article from
The Babylon Bee.
The Babylon Bee is widely known
as the most Christian website ever created. In fact, it is so
insanely Christian that a single share on social media has the
power to instantly save hundreds of souls. According to sources,
Trump was ignorant of this fact before sharing the
article.
- The
knowingly fake story came from Babylon
Bee, a satire site with
a conservative bent, and claimed, in jest, that Twitter was
shutting down its platform to prevent the spread of negative news
about Democratic nominee Joe Biden.
- "Wow,
this has never been done in history. This includes his really bad
interview last night. Why is Twitter doing this,"
Trump tweeted.
- Also
mentioned: Video of Trump being normal guy at church in
Las Vegas.
Story 3
Jordan Peterson Returns To Find
Americans Worshiping Golden Statue Of Karl Marx, Breaks 12 Rules
For Life In Anger
Summary: After a year-long
excursion into the belly of the beast, Dr. Jordan Peterson emerged
this week and was dismayed to find millions of Americans
worshipping at the altar of a golden Karl Marx statue. Overtaken
with righteous anger, he smashed his stone tablets containing 12
Rules for Life into tiny pieces.
- Jordan Peterson seems to be back posting to his
YouTube channel a video entitled Return Home.
- He
had been out of the public eye for a very long time with a severe
reaction he had to a anti-anxiety medication he had been taking as
prescribed but became chemically dependent upon when he tried to
cease taking it
- He
ended his video by saying, “"With God's grace and mercy, I'll be
able to start generating original material once again and pick up
where I left off."
- We
are interviewing Mikhaila soon so stay tuned for that!
Topic of the Week: Facebookgate and the challenges of writing
comedy for the internet
-
Facebook took down
this facebook post
Senator Hirono Demands ACB Be
Weighed Against A Duck To See If She Is A Witch
- 'It's
literally a regurgitated joke from a Monty Python movie!" the Bee's
CEO
exclaimed.
- Facebook completely deactivated any monetizing
tools for us on their site.
- Kyle’s
tweet thread about
this.
- What
makes writing comedy for the internet difficult? How the articles
are seen, shared, received, etc.
- It’s
like a comedy show where you can’t talk to the audience directly.
Instead, you must tell your jokes to Mark Zuckerberg. Then, he
edits your joke and walks out to your audience and tells them the
ones he finds appropriate. You’re never sure if a “bomb” is your
fault or Mark’s.
- Check
out
Kyle’s op-ed
in Thursday’s edition of the
WSJ
- Kyle
mentioned this
Vulture article
on how Facebook is killing
comedy
- Funny
or Die was thriving, then Facebook came along. They fired a bunch
of their writers ‘cause it was impossible to write for Facebook’s
algorithm. Every post throttled, etc.
Hate Mail
We get some very fiery Scottish
rendition of this week’s hate mail.
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