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The only authorized and inerrant podcast of The Babylon Bee.

Oct 23, 2020

This is The Babylon Bee Weekly News Show for the week of 10/23/2020.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s top stories like President Trump tweeting out a Babylon Bee story, Jordan Peterson returning with the 12 Rules For Life on stone tablets, and how Facebook is murdering comedy. The Babylon Bee also has some updated and more realistic travel posters to America’s big cities. Tune in for more weird news, cool stories, a trip to the mailbag and, of course, glorious hate mail.

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This episode is brought to you by Small Group The Movie.


Kyle and Ethan joke about our recent spat with Mark Zuckerberg and dive into the weekly news.

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes the 2018 video game Celeste

Ethan likes I survived...

Weird News

Space Station air leak repaired with help from floating tea leaves

  • There was a slow air leak in a transfer chamber on the space station that suddenly got worse
  • Astronauts broke open a tea bag to watch the leaves float toward where the leak was so they could use tape to seal it.

'Breathable Bacon' face mask gives wearers the aroma of bacon

  •  A U.S. company is offering fans of breakfast meats the chance to enjoy the scent of sizzling pork anytime they want with a bacon-scented face mask.
  • Hormel said the Black Label Breathable Bacon mask uses the "the latest in bacon-smell technology" to give the wearer the experience of smelling bacon anytime they don the protection accessory.
  • Do they make a soy version?

Naked teen taken into custody after damaging business, covering himself in ranch dressing and crashing car. 

  • Sheriffs responded to a call at 3:30am and found a naked 17 year old man who was under the influence of a substance 
  • The man had covered himself in ranch dressing and damaged property inside the business
  • He ran outside and drove off. Didn’t get far and crashed into a pillar. 
  • He must do penance by covering himself in CFA sauce

Tennessee teenager's homemade fusion reactor lands Guinness record

  • the world's youngest person to achieve nuclear fusion after officials verified that he built his own nuclear fusion reactor at his family's home and successfully used it in his final hours of being 12 years old.
  • Tony Stark?

Blindfolded man smashes 50 coconuts around another man's body

  •  An Indian martial artist showed off his strength and precision when he donned a blindfold and smashed 50 coconuts that were arranged around the body of another man.
  • They were given a Guinness World Record
  • The men, Rakesh B and Prabhakar Reddy P, were awarded the Guinness record for most coconuts smashed around a person blindfolded in 1 minute.
  • Kyle would like to protest these absolutely ridiculous records
  • What’s next? Most toothpicks covered in Crisco fit into a microwave?

Story 1

Check Out These Eight Beautiful Travel Posters For America's Democrat-Controlled Cities

Summary: U.S.—With people leaving Democrat cities in droves, mayors and city councils are hoping to fill them back up again -- with tourists! 

Maybe it's time to give these cities a second chance. Check out these beautiful tourism posters from Democrat-controlled cities around the country! 

  • Read the posters and the punchline, keep it tight, video version will display the posters

Story 2

Trump Shares Babylon Bee Article, Thousands Accept Jesus Into Their Hearts

Summary: WASHINGTON, D.C.—Thousands around the world are forsaking their sins and receiving Christ this week after Trump shared an article from The Babylon Bee.

The Babylon Bee is widely known as the most Christian website ever created. In fact, it is so insanely Christian that a single share on social media has the power to instantly save hundreds of souls. According to sources, Trump was ignorant of this fact before sharing the article.



  • The knowingly fake story came from Babylon Bee, a satire site with a conservative bent, and claimed, in jest, that Twitter was shutting down its platform to prevent the spread of negative news about Democratic nominee Joe Biden.
  • "Wow, this has never been done in history. This includes his really bad interview last night. Why is Twitter doing this," Trump tweeted.
  • Also mentioned: Video of Trump being normal guy at church in Las Vegas.

Story 3

Jordan Peterson Returns To Find Americans Worshiping Golden Statue Of Karl Marx, Breaks 12 Rules For Life In Anger

Summary: After a year-long excursion into the belly of the beast, Dr. Jordan Peterson emerged this week and was dismayed to find millions of Americans worshipping at the altar of a golden Karl Marx statue. Overtaken with righteous anger, he smashed his stone tablets containing 12 Rules for Life into tiny pieces. 

  • Jordan Peterson seems to be back posting to his YouTube channel a video entitled Return Home.
  • He had been out of the public eye for a very long time with a severe reaction he had to a anti-anxiety medication he had been taking as prescribed but became chemically dependent upon when he tried to cease taking it
  • He ended his video by saying, “"With God's grace and mercy, I'll be able to start generating original material once again and pick up where I left off."
  • We are interviewing Mikhaila soon so stay tuned for that!

Topic of the Week: Facebookgate and the challenges of writing comedy for the internet

  • Facebook took down  this facebook post Senator Hirono Demands ACB Be Weighed Against A Duck To See If She Is A Witch
  • 'It's literally a regurgitated joke from a Monty Python movie!" the Bee's CEO exclaimed.
  • Facebook completely deactivated any monetizing tools for us on their site.
  • Kyle’s tweet thread about this.
  • What makes writing comedy for the internet difficult? How the articles are seen, shared, received, etc.
  • It’s like a comedy show where you can’t talk to the audience directly. Instead, you must tell your jokes to Mark Zuckerberg. Then, he edits your joke and walks out to your audience and tells them the ones he finds appropriate. You’re never sure if a “bomb” is your fault or Mark’s.
  • Check out Kyle’s op-ed in Thursday’s edition of the WSJ
  • Kyle mentioned this Vulture article on how Facebook is killing comedy
  • Funny or Die was thriving, then Facebook came along. They fired a bunch of their writers ‘cause it was impossible to write for Facebook’s algorithm. Every post throttled, etc.

Hate Mail

We get some very fiery Scottish rendition of this week’s hate mail.

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