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The only authorized and inerrant podcast of The Babylon Bee.

Jan 22, 2021

In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like Skynet being a private company so their Terminator robots can do whatever they want to you, Democratic states are suddenly following the science on lockdowns, and how the right is learning from the left’s past four years on how to cope when they feel like the president is not their president. There’s weird news, glorious hate mail, and Kyle can’t say the word “dang.”

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Kyle can’t say ‘dang.’

Stuff That’s Good 

Kyle likes C.S. Lewis’ Abolition of Man 

Ethan likes Run, Hide, Fight from The Daily Wire
Run Hide Fight Trailer

Dallas Sonnier Interview with Ben Shapiro 

Weird News 

New wristband the 'Moodbeam'  tells your boss if you are unhappy

Joe Exotic had a limo parked outside his prison, along with hair, makeup, and wardrobe people on standby, in case Trump pardoned him which never happened.


A California man was arrested Saturday and accused of hiding in a restricted area of Chicago's O'Hare International Airport for three months

Stefan Thomas, of San Francisco, says he has made peace with forgetting his Bitcoin password that would turn him into a multimillionaire. 

Thomas, who recently was featured in The New York Times, has about $220 million worth of Bitcoin locked away on a hard drive that will erase its data after 10 password attempts.

A New Guinness World Record!

Musician plays box drum for over 25 hours for new Guinness record

Amazon removes ‘distasteful’ coronavirus masks from sale. 

Stories of the Week 


Story 1: ‘Skynet Is A Private Company, They Can Do What They Want,’ Says Man Getting Curb-Stomped By Terminator

Summary: Local man Karl Langler argued that Skynet is a private company and can do what they want as a Terminator T-800 curb-stomped him and then vaporized him with a plasma rifle. “Listen, I hear people actually complaining that this is somehow a human rights violation. But only the government can violate your first amendment rights. Skynet is the creation of Cyberdyne systems and is a private company. They have the freedom to do whatever they want with their own platform.”

Story 2: Democrat States Follow The Science By Doing What Florida Did Back In May

Summary: Democrat-run states are now calling on the nation to follow the science by doing what Florida did back in May: don’t do lockdowns.

Story 3: Republican Starting To Think Trump Might Not Pull Off A Last-Minute 4D Chess Move

Summary: Local Republican man Edward Chasney admitted Wednesday that he’s starting to worry Trump might not actually pull off a last-minute 4D chess move to win the election.

Topic of the Week: How to cope with life under a president you find hard to accept


Put on a neon vest and shriek at the sky


Accuse him of colluding with a foreign adversary with no evidence while sleeping with a Chinese spy

Impeach him at least 3 times, even on the final week of his presidency - why not go for four

Riot in every major city, set fires, and loot for weeks on end for like 6 months  - but whatever you do DO NOT riot at the capitol

Make every Late Night joke some variation of  ‘your president bad’ 

Have all comedians stop doing comedy and instead spend every waking minute tweeting at the president with some sort of expletive-laden Braveheart speech

Immediately assume half the country is secretly Nazis

When dining out, scream at all the other diners that we now live under a dictator between bites

Take 12 months worth of hormonal birth control at once and scream into your camera

Get a permanent face mask with stay 6 feet away printed on it

Keep all of your friends and family that agree with you close enough to hear the echo in the room

Make sure to do a deep dive into every actor and musician’s Twitter history to make sure they align perfectly with your views. If not, cancel them.

Don’t forget to embrace diversity as long as everyone still sees things exactly as you do

Keep the news on 24 hours a day and never leave the house. Always be on Twitter and your phone. Make sure you know everything the president is doing at all times. 

 Weep uncontrollably until 2024



Hate Mail

Judith seems to think we are racist and don’t understand the Calvinism/Arminianism debate, and doesn’t appreciate the Biden color chart for covid relief calculations.

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Behind the Scenes Update

Bonus Hate Mail

Updates to the podcast

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